In honor of my pending trip to the Caribbean( !), I thought it would be fun to write a list of vacation movies that inspire me to want to “get away from it all!” However, in considering this list, I realized nobody makes happy movies about vacations. There’s no drama in that, and worse—no one wants to see other people having fun when they’re just sitting on their couch watching a movie! So instead, here’s a list of my favorite vacations-gone-wrong movies, which should serve as a cautionary tale for anyone’s pending travels.
1) Vicky Cristina Barcelona- A lovely trip to Barcelona would include nice-looking Spanish men. But those Spanish men may come with crazy ex wives (and as a general rule- Penelope Cruz beats Scarlett Johansson every time). Plan accordingly.
2) Hostel- This one may be a bit over-dramatic as a cautionary tale, but frankly if your sole reason to travel is to find hot naked girls and exotic drugs, let alone combine the two, I suppose you’re asking for trouble.
3) Dr. No- One of the best Bond movies out there, mostly because it introduced us to the best Bond woman of all time- the lovely Honey Ryder/Ursula Andress/ beach body inspiration supreme goddess. Oh and I suppose the caution here is- hot chicks who carry knives on their bikinis are probably dangerous?
4)Brokedown Palace- If you haven’t seen this one, you absolutely should. This situation seems implausible and a bit ludicrous, but still gives some serious life lessons. Like don’t be a drug mule if you can help it.
5) Lost in Translation- Scarlett just doesn’t seem like a good traveller does she? Although her antics in this lovely film are much cuter and less dangerous that her toxic VCB threesome, she still could have done with a guide book or something to get over her existential travel ennui.
6) National Lampoon’s Vacation- The road trip move at its absolute best, this will teach you more about how NOT to travel than any other film on this list.
7) Open Water- Since I am indeed snorkeling with my boyfriend in the middle of the ocean, I’m taking this film’s warnings to heart. Also, this is my common answer to the horrible question “What’s the worst that can happen?”
8) Poseidon Adventure- Not so much a travel movie as one of many boat disaster films, but it’s (hopefully) not a plausible scenario. I really would be happier if my cruise ship did not fully capsize in the ocean.
9) Rum Diary- Generally I like the idea of drinking heavily on scenic Puerto Rican beaches, especially if Johnny Depp is with me. But in this film….wait. I still like this idea.
10) The Beach- For all travel junkies who think they need to go “off the beaten path” oh their journeys, this movie provides an important warning. It also provides unbelievable scenery that makes their adventure totally worth it.
On that note, I leave you for a week or two, Audacity Oven. Check out a few of these great movies while I’m gone, and imagine me, drunk on a boat in Puerto Rico or stuck in a Thai prison….whichever amuses you most.
And per my editor’s request, I also leave you with this:
[Editor’s Note: You‘re welcome.]
Audacity Oven 