My Relationship with my Apartment- A List of Annoyances

Let me just say up front, I love my apartment.  However, it is a friendly love.  Like that one guy in your friends’ group who you’ve all known forever but all know he’s a complete ass.  It’s that kind of love, one overflowing with tolerance of stupidity and angelic patience.  At this very moment I could probably find you more than a few issues with the place, but like I said, I love it all the same.  That does not mean it does not bother/scare/annoy me.

1. It’s old.

Don’t get me wrong; old stuff can rock.  Take the entire city of Rome, the Louvre, or Bob Barker.  I even love old neighborhood “establishments.”  However, I wouldn’t mind something to be shiny and chrome and glass.  Wood floors are awesome, except when they’re covered in paint, scratches, and cracks.

WAKE UP! We need you to go to the grocery store.

WAKE UP! We need you to go to the grocery store.

2. There are resident roaches and mice.

For all future guests, don’t worry, it’s not an epidemic where I wake up and POW, mouse on my face. No it’s more of a minor annoyance.  I even find mice to be generally adorable when they’re not trying to eat through the bag of my tortilla chips.  Roaches? Hate them.  I won’t say I enjoy killing a roach every day or two, but I wouldn’t say I don’t take some sociopathic joy out of spraying the little fuckers with Raid either.

3. We own too many gaming systems.

Halo 4, Borderlands 2, Fifa 13, Left 4 Dead 2, and now Skyrim.  God. Damn. Skyrim.  Do you know how you’re ruining my social life with your epic dragon killing adventures?  I don’t even want to think of how many hours I’ve spent on these games and that’s just the Xbox.  If my roommate ever buys a game I want to play on PS3 or…Gamecube, I will be in some serious trouble.

4. We also have HBO and Netflix.

My God, how did I survive before Netflix? Oh yeah, I went outside, breathed fresh air, and had friends.  Oh what’s that? Game of Thrones is coming back this week? Glad I don’t have a demanding job, social life, or general aspiration to do anything off my futon.  Same goes for you Dr. Who.

5. It’s a “Good First Apartment.”

I get this comment entirely too often.  I know it is kind of cramped in the hall but inexplicably open in the kitchen.  I am aware of the less than brilliant paint job and yes, that one lock does, in fact, do nothing.  I will move up in the world when I am 23 or marry a really rich girl.

6. Our Super is “Relaxed.”

I like our super for the most part.  He’s a nice enough guy and has a lot of stuff to take care of in this complex.  However, when I move in, I want my kitchen finished and a mail key.  Is that too much to ask? Also your exterminator doesn’t seem to do his job very well as per item two.  I’ve heard rumors of modeling shoots in the basement as well?

7. There is a bar downstairs.

This really isn’t a problem.  The food is pretty good and the vibe isn’t too “hip.”  I figured I’d be going everyday but somehow have managed to just spend my money at other bars.  I should go there today for happy hour…

Happy hour here I come.

Happy hour here I come.

8. We own the Game of Thrones book series.

See Number 4 only I am curled up reading thousands of pages instead of curled up watching dozens of hours of TV.

9. We have no A/C.

I think?  It hasn’t been summer yet but I don’t see any vents.  I hate the heat so this will be interesting.  Guess I’m glad we’re on the first floor instead of the sixth when that heat starts rising.

10. Getting locked on the roof will eventually happen.

Probably one of the top three things I love about this place is the roof.  The view is incredible, it’s big and open, and cooking up there is supposedly pretty normal.  That’s all fine and good but sooner or later (sooner for my roommate) you will get locked up top and have to call for help because it will be that one day where the seven other doors to the roof are locked as well.


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